Ooooh, I'm so cosmopolitan

Hi, my name is Sang O.

"O," kind of like O Magazine, or Cosmo, or one of those one-letter publications that haughty, trendy Upper West Side slicksters like me read regularly.

Pardon me madam, do you need a light? Certainly, let me pull out my finely polished Zippo and discreetly ignite your clove cigarette. If I may, allow me to feel your cashmere sweater. Thank you. Your highlights certainly bring out the whites of your eyes. It's stunning. Have you been on the Great White Way recently? I was really disappointed with the latest Rodgers & Hammerstein bit. They've really lost their edge recently. What do you think?

Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you on your walk down 54th Street? It can be dangerous at night -- oh. Good night, then. I suppose I'll just keep myself amused by reading these New Yorker cartoons. Oh, New Yorker! Your cogent fusion of art and politics never ceases to be insightful!

My, it's getting chilly outside. I'll just put on my corduroy jacket. I'm so glad I wore my long johns tonight. I noticed that The New York Times listed them in this year's "Hot" column. Yech, my nose is running -- but the neatly folded kerchief in my pocket is not suitable for bodily fluids. I'll just play off the schnozz as a fashion statement.

Man, I really need an iPod.