Drinking

Ah yes, friends and neighbors... further mature observations from by best friend Andy, for your enjoyment. Obviously, he has no work to do in preparation for his final exams.
In any case, the really pathetic thing is that I was probably more drunk in the wine picture than I was in the hideous scooter scene.

Since the topic drinking has been brought up, I guess writing down some random thoughts on it should be as good a waste of time as any.

- For the love of God, will you westerners please EAT some food when you drink? I can't understand how you can stand to pour shots down your throat all night with no food to soak some of it up. Come on, you eat Mexican food, pop aspirin like M&M's, guzzle greasy diner food(mmmmm) for breakfast, when your stomach is most vulnerable. Don't you think it would be wise to have something in your system to keep that alcohol from sloshing around and making you sick?
Don't get me wrong. Nobody is a bigger supporter of getting gloriously fucked up than I am. I'm just saying, save yourself the skidmarks! We Koreans, with our scandalously fiery foods and inexcusable drinking habits, make it a point to have light foods, called anju, when we drink. The anju depends on the drink. French fries or fried calamari with beer, perhaps. Hot, spicy broths with soju(the 46 proof national rice-based liquor of choice). Fruits and dried meats with whiskey. In any case, we don't drink ourselves silly without making sure we sponge up that ungodly mess in our stomachs.
Go ahead, pop those schnapps or jagers or straight vodkas or whatever it is you're using. But please, eat something, too!

- All you bartenders! Everywhere! New York, DC, Detroit, wherever the fuck you are! Learn to mix a fucking Martini! Let's make this very clear. A Martini is more than just chilled gin. Even more important, it's not a vodka drink. Unless I ask for a vodka martini, do not ask whether I want one. If I ask for a martini, I am asking for a controlled mixture of gin and vermouth, with an olive garnish. I have not mentioned anything that concerns vodka. Do not give me cold gin and tell me it is 'dry.' A dry martini is a martini with minimal vermouth. That does not mean it does not require vermouth. A dry martini is not cold gin.
Do not, for the love of God, use cheap olives, or even worse, olives that were clearly meant for cheap pizzas. A martini is a classic. A martini is akin to Gershwin, Thurber, a quiet gray suit, a pair of dark loafers, a tailored cigarette. It never goes out of style. It is never redefined. Please, before we all run out asking for a surfer on acid, or a quick fuck, or a B-52, let's all show some respect, huh?
Save the classic Martini!

- What the fuck is the deal with you snobs who still think it's cool to be a pompous dick when you pick a bottle of wine? Let's be honest, most of you are worrying whether you will pronounce the name correctly or get a condescending smile from the waiter. Meanwhile, you're probably just picking something in the upper area of your allowed price range, not choosing something that will complement your meal. If you were really worried about that, you wouldn't be ordering a prosciutto antipasto plate before the trendy seafood dish.
Even if you do know your wines, is it so terrible to have something that you don't consider chic enough? Are you so insecure that you still think wine is a fashion statement, and not a beverage? Besides, how many of you wine gurus can say you shudder at the thought of a hot Krispy Kreme donut, or an occasional Big Mac? Let's drop the act, eh?
I like nice wines, too. I study periodicals and reviews. I spend too much money tasting, probably. But I also love to pop a bottle of Yellowtail Shiraz with my buddies and guzzle it with chicken parmesan pizza. That experience is no less enjoyable than a sublime Rothschild. You don't like that people are starting to chill Beaujolais reds? Fuck you! Nobody's making you drink it!
So please, spare us the whole elitist act. It's just a drink, the way truffles are just food. At times, a wonderful and special drink. But just a drink nonetheless. Don't wrinkle your nose at screw-top bottles like some vegetarian god confronting a cockroach in his salad.


OK, that's enough for now, I guess. But don't be surprised if good ol' C2H5OH is mentioned again.